Things I Learned in New York

• Never look at the prices
• Keep it lowkey on the corner
• Never smile
• Walk fast and predictably
• Always have a portable charger for gazooks
• Buy a massage chair
• Never look at the time
• Never take the L train at rush hour
• Never order the plum za at Soothr
• Don’t underestimate Tony Woods
• If you’re hot in the subway, the middle of the car is where the AC is